too late.

If you’re reading this, it’s too late.

I tried and I fought a good fight. But when you simply suffer every day from the painful thoughts that over compass your mind, you began to see your thoughts as the only way out. I’ve been low for a while and been suffering in silence. Nothing seems to get better.

I know most that this is hurtful for you who read this, but you’ll never understand the depth of my pain. I really wanted to believe that you all cared for and loved me, but it wasn’t enough to save me.

Right now, you may be heartbroken, but it will soon pass. You will go on with your life and I will be a distant memory.

Maybe a memory that brings you sorrow or maybe a memory that brings you joyfulness.

I experience the pain and thoughts every day. Continuously and nonstop. Thoughts and plans for any scenario. I could no longer see the good in the world or see why I should continue on with life.

The days were dark and not one inch of light came through. A darkness that seemed to go on endlessly, turning mere seconds into eternity. It was becoming too much for me. Too much for me to bear.

It felt as though my emotions, my sadness, the darkness was all stacked up against me. How can something like this have me on the verge of acting on the thoughts? I know it’s a selfish act when there are people in the world without homes and fighting deadly diseases. I know that there are much bigger problems in the world and yet I am being selfish.

A selfish act that was going to happen sooner or later.

Some of you judged me, used this against me, and switched up on me. I want you to know that this has absolutely nothing to do with you. While you may have hurt me, I have not done this because of you.

To my family and friends, I am so sorry. You deserved so much more than to experience this kind of loss. I just didn’t see any other way. Please do not blame yourselves. I know y’all may have thought by showering me with love and showing you cared would be enough for me to stay. It wasn’t enough to save me, I was already in too deep. There was no turning back.

I ask that you go on with your life and live for both of us. Do not drown yourself in your tears but remember the good times. I may not be here anymore but understand I am finally free from the pain. The indescribable pain that haunted me every day.

It was indeed too late.

yours truly,

lostgirlx2